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Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2015 19:43:02 GMT -6
Gwen: Great, just what we need. A noise complaint! You've got the slow and agonizing death thing under control right? Great. I hope it hurts.
Random Civilian: *yells* ZOMBIES! Gwen: Please, i prefer the term living impaired.
Gwen: I take back every bad thing I ever said about frat boys. These brains are fun as hell!
Edward: (i dunno who to) I hope you like jagerbombs and homoerotic subtext.
Mari: I don't know if you're hungry, but you know what my mom always said? Edward: Why'd I stop using birth control?
Edward: Why are you doing this? Mari: Daddy issues. Megalomania. Greed. Wow, that felt really good to get off my chest.
Gabe: You want to feel better about your mental health? Spend a couple days with some clinically insane people. Cassie: I do it every thanksgiving.
Celeste: Church! Who did this to you? Edward: I can't talk about fight club... crap.
Chaz: Moving those kids bodies... it was too much. Gwen: Emotionally? Because physically it shouldn't have been too hard.
Gabby: Why do I have the sudden urge to dump tea into a harbor? Edward: What's she talking about? Celeste: Colonist propaganda. Pay her no mind.
Gwen: You come up with a name for you new startup? I wouldn't give it another thought [shoots both minions in the head]. No surprise, really. Most small businesses fail.
Celeste: (about any number of people) Don't startle them. They're thinking.
(May add more soon)
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Hero
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Post by Edward Church on Oct 30, 2015 21:18:26 GMT -6
Gabe: Now stop fighting and help me with this crossword. I need a six-letter word for disappointment Kayleigh: Edward. Gabe: ...It fits
May: I'm gonna ask you to be respectful Edward: And I'm going to politely decline
Lucy: Is that your hand on my ass? Wyatt: It was an accident! Lucy: It's still on my ass Wyatt: It's still an accident!
Edward: I've been working so hard Kayleigh: You woke up at noon and you've taken a two-hour nap
Ginnie: Aileen, you're on speakerphone, behave Aileen: Or what? You'll spank me?
Gabe: Do you like Edward? Cassie: Sure, who doesn't? Leif: Over half the people who meet him
May: I'm angry! You risked Edward's life! Kayleigh: I'm going to assume those are two different points
Some Random Villain: Alright little girl, where are you getting your juice? Melody: ...Uh...what? SRV: Where. Are you. Getting. Your. Juice? Melody: ...Josie does all the grocery shopping
Edward: What are you working on? Kayleigh: Not throwing you out the window Edward: How's that going? Kayleigh: Not well
Izzy: I have an idea. It's very uncool, but it's not illegal, technically, but it is a dick move Melody: I love it
T'Shan: Can I borrow Aileen for a second? Ginnie: Sure Aileen: Wait, why didn't you ask me? T'Shan: Ginnie looked in charge Aileen: Of where I go!?
Melody: All I know is that I got drunk and woke up in a relationship with Josie
Aileen: This bar is great. Everything's a sexual innuendo! Ginnie: I think that's just you
Arthur: Started talking to yourself, Celeste? Celeste: Only intelligent conversation around here
Aileen: *drunk* Ginnie, you're like an angel with no wings Ginnie: So...a person?
Josie: If I die I want Melody to lower me into my grave so she can let me down one last time
Melody: *about Izzy* I love her so much. But I think I'm about to draw a mustache on her face
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Post by Deleted on Oct 31, 2015 13:59:21 GMT -6
Ada with Western lingo or Tessa with science tech lingo: You know, I need subtitles walking in here.
Lilith (about Leif in snake form): You can't kill him. He has a name. Celeste: We had to Lilith. Mostly Edward: I hear in Thailand they're sauteed in peanut oil.
Lewis: Listen Tessa, we’re heading into a very unknown situation. I think it’s best if you just stay in the car. Tessa: -just stares at him- Lewis: Okay! Then you know, if you have to come in with me, you stay behind me. Tessa: -still stares- Lewis: Fine. Just be careful alright?
Olly: Let it go Kitten Ada: Don’t call me Kitten
Leif, about…...I’m not sure who, but leif says it: If he smells with his gut, what does he use his nose for.
Lucy: I need specific instructions. A list of techniques to implement or...a sequence of moves. Ada: I’m not really the girl to talk to about that.
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Post by Virginia "Ginnie" Stark on Nov 3, 2015 19:54:09 GMT -6
Berserk: Oh, I'm sorry. I was listening to that space duck. Wyatt: Quack! Berserk: What a majestic creature.
Stargrave: and then I blew it up. The end. Wyatt: How do you know the parts you weren't there for?
Stargrave: Very impressive. Killing off a bunch of monkeys...Any liquored-up hillbilly with a shotgun could have done that at the zoo!
Stargrave: Oh please, if I'm as evil as you say I am then let God strike me down where I stand. (gets hit by a lightning bolt but is unaffected) HA! Nice try jackass! Next time give it your A-game!
Lysand'r: I'm fifteen, dad. There will be boys. Future!Wyatt: So long as they know i have guns.
(Small list will probably be added to later)
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Post by Melody Talent on Nov 7, 2015 17:49:59 GMT -6
Aileen: Remember that time you dared me to streak at your party? Ginnie: No, I said "Don't streak" and you said "Don't tell me what to do" and took your clothes off. Edward: I brought reinforcements Kayleigh: You brought May? Edward: No...but I did get the next best thing Gabe: Hey! Kayleigh: Gabe? You brought Gabe? The next best thing would have been Cassie! Gabe: Normally I'd be offended, but she is freakishly strong Kayleigh: Are you really going to throw away your convictions for a chance to get laid? Edward: I don't really have any convictions Tex: You're an okay son. Not a great one, but pretty good Edward: I'll take it Melody: *without turning around* You've been avoiding me, Emily Emily: How did you know that was me? Melody: I'm going to be honest, the first few people I did that to were not you May: If you have any questions, just ask Melody: If a bear and a shark got into a fight, who would win? May: If you have any relevant questions, just ask Edward: Do you know anything about chicks? Gabe: Poultry? No. Women? No. James: It's never taken me more than a week to get over a relationship Aileen: It's never taken you more than a shower to get over a relationship Aileen: Perfect! Everyone's got a date except third wheel Aileen James: You're not a third wheel Ginnie: Technically you're a fifth wheel James: And all these people know you're Hawkeye? Aileen: Yep James: Did anyone ever explain the meaning of "secret identity"? Edward: I'm cold Gabe: Here, take my jacket Edward: We're such good friends Adam: I'm cold too Gabby: Well damnit Adam, I can't control the weather! Ginnie: Get me a drink Aileen: Gin, it's breakfast Ginnie: And a piece of toast
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Hawkeye
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Post by Aileen Barton on Nov 15, 2015 17:37:56 GMT -6
Caspar: Make a man a fire and he'll be warm for a night. Light a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life
Celeste: *leaning in close to Edward after a fight* ...I guess I should get back home Edward: *hesitantly* You wouldn't want to keep your frankenstein waiting. Celeste: *walks away* Leif: If you were looking for the opportune moment, I believe that was it
Gabe: *about some random girl Edward had to get to help them* How did you get her to help? Edward: I told her we were part of some online roleplaying community that battled mythical creatures Gabe: I am part of an online roleplaying community that battles mythical creatures
Aileen: Ada, I know you hate Halloween, but stick with it, okay? I promise I can make it fun Ada: Can you make everyone kind, sober and fully-dressed? Aileen: "Kind, sober and fully dressed." Good news, everyone! I found the name of Ada's sex tape
Kayleigh: Edward thinks I'm too critical. That's another fault of his
Melody: There are just some things I smell. It's like a sixth sense Maximus: Technically that's one of the five
Kayleigh: I lost my annoying friend Edward during the invasion Edward: Quit telling people I'm dead! Kayleigh: Sometimes I still hear his voice
Emily: She's acting like a B-I-T-C-H Izzy: Emily, I think we're a little too old to be spelling things out Melody: A bitcuh?
Edward: You're a textbook narcissist. Leif: Please, I'm an exceptional narcissist
Nomad: Agent Rogers, American Intelligence Melody: Harley Quinn, Average Intelligence
Evil Roxy: I had to beat Jor all night before something came out of him Evil Gabe: Boom! Phrasing! Nailed it
Mari: Have you ever killed anyone? It's like sex, only there's a winner
Celeste: Andrew, you're a boring vampire. You don't suck blood, you just suck
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Post by Melody Talent on Nov 23, 2015 11:26:18 GMT -6
Leif: Did your life flash before your eyes, Edward? Cuppa tea, cuppa tea, almost got shagged, cuppa tea
Melody: This all seems so unreal. Like Bigfoot. Or those mythological black and white horses. Emily: Zebras? Those are real Melody: Sure they are, Emily.
Gabe: Edward's like a storm of amazing hair and terrible judgement
Aileen: How do I turn my feelings off? Ginnie: Whiskey
Edward: So no we're not professional, highly-trained superheroes. So what? Are most murders committed by highly-trained assassins? No, they're committed by close friends and family members.
Celeste: You see, the difference between me and Church is that, deep down, Ed's probably a good person, and deep down, I'm probably not. So yeah, you should be scared.
Andrew: You don't trust me Arthur: That's because you're a vampire Andrew: *winces* Arthur: What, is "vampire" an offensive word now? What should I call you, Undead American?
Arthur: Can I trust you, Leif? Leif: You can, but where's the fun in that?
Demon: Are there children here? I'm hungry Arthur: *draws sword* Leif: What do you think, the hospital?
Melody: Any zoo is a petting zoo if you try hard enough!
Aileen: Ginnie, are you getting enough sleep? Ginnie: Sometimes I close my eyes when I sneeze
Edward: Ramsey, Ramsey, Ramsey, does every conversation we have need to come around to that guy? Ramsey: Hey... Edward: Hey, how you doing?
Melody: What does this guy do? Josie: *through gritted teeth* It asks endless questions of the one with whom it is supposed to be gathering information so nothing gets done. Melody: *gasps* Wow, they have a guy for everything
Edward: Nobody would blame you. Leif is strong and mysterious and compact in a muscled sort of way Celeste: I am not having sex with Leif, but I'm starting to think you might be
Sebastian: *watching Celeste and Andrew fight* God, she's really going to kill him Sebastian: *shrugs and walks away*
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Post by Deleted on Nov 23, 2015 14:56:33 GMT -6
(So there are some book quotes here *cough* LOTR is here *cough*)
Soldier: We can't go in there or we'll get slaughtered. Flo: Yeah, happens to me a lot.
anyone: You're supposed to be dead! Flo : I'm not?
'It was a compliment,' said Flo, 'and so, of course, not true.'
anyone: Okay. Cass, what did you have for breakfast this morning? Cass: Smartie cereal. anyone: Oh my God. I didn't even know Smarties made a cereal. Cass: They don't. It's just Smarties in a bowl with milk.
Gabe: I mean, they have no respect for us up there! No respect whatsoever! We're all just drudgeons to them! Other Titan: Yes! If there were such a thing as a drudgeon, that is what we'd be to them. Gabe: It's like they're pally-wally with us when there's a problem with some minor villain, but once it's fixed— Other Titan: They just toss us away like yesterday's jam. Gabe: Yes! Yesterday's jam. That is what we are to them! Actually, that doesn't work as a thing, because, you know, jam lasts for ages.
"As a matter of fact," Cassie said acidly, "the entire future of western civilisation depends upon me making a smiley face with this ketchup."
Cassie: All I've had today is, like, six gummy bears and some coke.
Cassie: *to any monologueing villain* I thought you were going to kill me, not bore me to death!
Person: Okay then, Gabe, what is the worst way to die? Gabe: What... Person: No, no, no, you have an answer for everything. What is you biggest fear? Gabe: That's easy. The sarlacc pit. Person: I'm sorry, the what? Gabe: The sarlacc pit. From "Return of the Jedi". Uh, hello. Being slowly digested over a 1000 years - worst death ever. Cassie: [in a mocking whiny voice] Cass, why don't I ever have a girlfriend? Why?
Cassie: OK, So tell me, when exactly will I be allowed to hang out with boys? Gabe: When I'm dead. Plus three days, just to make sure I'm dead.
"Some factual information for you. Have you any idea how much damage my mace would suffer if I just let it slam straight into you?" "How much?" said the younger student. "None at all," said Kay.
Narrator: You wouldn't steal a handbag. You wouldn't steal a car. You wouldn't steal a baby. You wouldn't shoot a policeman. And then steal his helmet. You wouldn't go to the toilet in his helmet. And then send it to the policeman's grieving widow. And then steal it again! Downloading films is stealing. If you do it, you will face the consequences. [FBI team member bursts in behind the girl downloading the film and shoots her; cut to a pool of blood on the keyboard] Cassie: [sitting with Aaron in a dark room] Man, these anti-piracy ads are getting really mean.
Person: [about ed] Your friend... Kay: Listen, whatever you say, I'm behind you one hundred percent. Person: He's an arrogant sod. Kay: ...Well, that was mild.
[Ed bursts into the room, covered in blood] Ed: Well that was tedious. Kay: You went on the Subway like that? Ed: None of the cabs would take me.
Kay: ...So don't try to do anything stupid. Edward: I don't have to try [pause] Shit, whatever. Move. [walks away]
Teacher one: [on Kay + Ed] It's OK. I've had some training in conflict resolution. Teacher two: This should be entertaining.
Mal: Have you got any enemies? Aaron: No. I'm universally popular and well-liked. Why would anyone wanna kill me? Flo: I can think of a few reasons. Nora: Definitely. Flo: Shitloads. Mal: ...You annoy people.
Gabe: Every hero is on a journey to find his place in the world. But it's a journey. You don't start at the end, otherwise they can't make a movie about it later.
Mel: [looks into a pet shop window and sees three puppies, sleeping] Aw, cute little rascals! [the puppy yips happily] A-cootchie-cootchie-cootchi-cootchi-coo!
Kid 1: I'm a mountain lion! Raarrgh! Kid 2: Oh! I'm a - a bear! Laurel: I'm a bunny! Rrrrggh! [Kids look at her oddly] What? Bunnies are soooo scary.
Gabriel: I'm out of the closet now Edward: Wait, you were ever in?
Flo: Surprise, bitch. I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me.
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Post by Melody Talent on Nov 25, 2015 14:41:28 GMT -6
Edward: It's bollocks, Gabe! It's exactly your brand of bollocks from first to last! Gabriel: No, you can't ever see the big picture. You can't see any picture Edward: I am talking about something primal. Brutal animal instinct! Gabriel: And that wins out every time with you. You know the human race has evolved, Edward Edward: Oh into- Gabriel: We're bigger, we're smarter! Plus there's this thing called teamwork! Edward: You just want it to be the way you want it to be Gabriel: This isn't just about what I want! Adam: *walks into the room hesitantly* Is this something we should all be discussing? Edward: No Adam: It sounds kind of serious Gabriel: It's mostly....theoretical, we just.... Edward: We were working out a....Look, if cavemen and astronauts got into a fight, who would win? Adam: ...You've been yelling at each other for forty minutes about...this?
Melody: *under a love spell* Izzy: Melody, you're a gay woman. And he isn't Melody: It's not about his physical presence, it's about his heart! Izzy: His physical presence has a penis!
T'Shan: I need to kill my cousin Edward: Hey, Leif is our friend! Just I don't like him
Cassie: Edward, you have a lot to offer a girl. You're smart and funny... Gabriel: You're talented, you've got style Aaron: ...Oh, were you waiting for something from me? Oh okay. Your name is Edward and you have hair
Dracula: You are vastly outnumbered Celeste: I usually am Dracula: Your situation has become quite untenable Celeste: It often does Dracula: You are within seconds of being rushed by my servants and torn apart in a maelstrom of agony and fury Celeste: Really? It must be Tuesday
Flo: I may be dead, but I'm still pretty
May: He thought I should have more contact with students. I didn't bother to explain that I joined the X-Men to have as little interaction with students as possible
May: You want to go to school? Edward: Sure, why not? May: Okay....Good day to buy that lottery ticket
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Post by Deleted on Nov 27, 2015 17:09:23 GMT -6
Maximus: If Melody were god, that sure would explain the platypus
Sebastian: I love you Lydia: Thanks Sebastian: That wasn't quite the answer I was hoping for Lydia: ...Thanks very much?
Kayleigh: What a motherfucker. Just look at that smug bastard, he's my best friend
Gabe: Why would someone want to hurt Edward? Leif: Because they met him?
Gabe: Where's Kayleigh? Edward: SHE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND! Gabe: ...
Sebastian: *to Andrew* Yes, there is a vegetarian option. You can fuck off
Celeste: We're not keeping the horse Leif: I let you keep Edward!
Leif: You said violence wasn't the answer. You never said anything about passive-aggressive bitching
Tex: Now, Edward, mummy doesn't get drunk. She just has fun
Melody: I'll carve our initials into a tree on our first date because it's the most romantic way to show you I have a knife
Ginnie: Aileen's like my team spirit Aileen: Did you say "girl crush"? Ginnie: I said "dodge"
Sebastian: Yep, these are medium rare Other Vampire: What if someone wants their human beings well-done? Sebastian: We ask them politely to leave
Sebastian: *to Andrew* Yes, there is a vegetarian option. You can fuck off
Cassie: There are no bad ideas. Just good ideas that go wrong
Melody: He ran into my knife. He ran into my knife five times
Aileen: In alcohol's defence, I make bad decisions when sober as well
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Post by Deleted on Jan 27, 2016 18:00:35 GMT -6
Person: Speaking of, you see the bulge on that towel boy? Man, if I was you, I'd be in this spa 25/8. Flo: Yeah, but then I wouldn't get to hang out with everybody at work. Person: You hate everybody at work. Flo: I know. It's the only thing that gets me out of bed every morning.
Gabby: Just play cool, don't Gabe-out about it. Gabe: Did you just use my name as a verb? Cassie: Oh, yeah, we do that behind your back. "Gabe-out": to overthink. Also see "Gabe-up". "Gabe-up": to overthink with disastrous results. Sample sentence: "Billy Gabed-up when he tried-" Gabe: Okay... I get it!
Leif: Long distance is a lie teenagers tell each other to get laid the summer before college.
[On discussion of names] Andrew: There are certain songs that curse you through your life, if you have certain names. Leif: All I got was, "What sort of a fucking name is Leif "?
Gabby: If you brought a cat or a dog to feed to the lions. Or the tigers. They had tigers as well. And they had bears. Gabe: Oh, my.
Aaron: Do you know the Boomerang joke? Cassie: Go on. Aaron: It'll come back to you. Cassie: I walked into that one.
Aileen: You know, this is very unprofessional if you ask me. Flo: It's completely unprofessional. And I know because my whole career's been based on being unprofessional.
Cass: Now please, I am here with all my friends, I don't want you to talk like a nerd. I want you to be normal. No talking about Elphaba, or the Wicked Witch of the West. Gabe: Elphaba is the Wicked Witch of the West
Leif: The chain Argos, they call their staff Argonauts to this day. Lilith: [Surprised] Oh, do they? Leif: [deadpan] No.
Flo: [to the other rogues] You look like you were mugged and the first thing they took was your dignity.
Kay: This guy doesn’t need to make notes from his first encounter with me. His first shall also be his last.
Cassie: I'm no doctor, but you see the way the side of his head's all caved in like that...?
Little Girl: They wouldn't let us see Grandad when he was dead. Is that cos he'd gone to heaven? Flo: People don't really go to heaven when they die. They're taken to a special room and burned.
Celeste: [upon first seeing the flat] Well this is a prime spot. Must be expensive. Leif: The landlady is giving me a special deal. She owes me a favour. A few years back her husband got himself sentenced to death in Florida. I was able to help out. Celeste: You stopped her husband from being executed? Leif: Oh, no. I ensured it.
(and now for a super-long DCs one *ahem*)
(idk what the circumstances would be here but oh well. And yes I know Arthur's state of health.)
Arthur: Guys, we need a plan. Celeste: Stake everyone. Arthur: One that goes further than staking everyone. Surely one of you guys must have had a plan. Leif: I've given my best solution already-- Seb: What was that-- Arthur: We're not doing it. NO way am I giving him my powers, not even for ten minutes. Leif: Okay, here's plan B! (points at Arthur) Kill Master Blood! ... Leif: Wait. He isn't.... Oh my. Knight! Good news! We don't have to kill you! I've got a new plan. Loan me your power for ten minutes! Arthur: That was your first plan, Leif. Leif: I know! But this time I'm not trying to trick you! Arthur: You were trying to trick m-- Leif: No, I wasn't. I'm joking. There's no time to explain. Loan me the power. ... Arthur: *mutters a spell of power lending*. Leif: Oh, wow, thanks! I thought you were going to be terribly stubborn and I'd have to die here along with everyone else. And you have no idea how disagreeable that'd be. Arthur: Now what do we-- Leif: *teleports away with his powers* Arthur: . . . . My fault. I don't know what to say. Celeste: Oh yeah? I do. But you guys are rated PG-13.
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Post by Edward Church on Feb 4, 2016 14:38:28 GMT -6
Arthur: Leif, tell your friend he can't just /smell/ people Edward: *offhandedly* You had sex with a bottle blonde last night Arthur: Well... Leif: Edward, that's unbelievable. I didn't think Arthur had ever had sex
Edward: What are you doing standing about? Leif: I’m not standing about, I’m lurking. It’s a whole different vibe
*in the far future when Ginnie and James are getting married, and they’re trying to decide on a maid of honour* James: Okay, improvise a speech. Lydia: *looks panicked* Uh well...Okay, I remember when Ginnie and James first got together, just how much of a great couple I thought they were. They balanced each other out, they held each other back or propelled each other forwards as was necessary, and they made each other happy. But most of all, I thought about how wonderful they made each other, and how happy they’re going to stay together, forever. I honestly can’t think of two people I love who’d be more suited for each other, and who I think would make a better couple. I love you guys, and I know you’re going to have a wonderful life together. James: ...That’s beautiful. Well, I think we have a winner, but Aileen...if you really want to try, you might as well go ahead Aileen: I can’t believe Ginnie and James are getting married. I remember teasing Ginnie about this one day when we were showering together. Naked. James: ….And she’s back in the game!
Celeste: And how do you expect to take on a house full of vampires by yourself? Edward: I’ll think of something. I’ll use magic! Celeste: That’s not how magic works!
James: You expect me to talk? Caspar: No, Mr Barnes. I expect you to die
Edward: And so in this dream, I go to school and I’m not wearing trousers. And I look down, and where….it should be, there’s a phone. Yeah, I know. And then it rings and I answer it, and...my mum’s on the other end. Which is weird, because she never calls
Edward: Mari, did you leave...handcuffs in my room? *holding them at arm’s length* Mari: These aren’t mine. They’re way too flimsy. I couldn’t leave a guy handcuffed to a water pipe, naked and waiting for me with these. They’d break Edward: Oh thank god. Wait, you were kidding about the water pipe thing, right? Mari: Where do you think Adam is right now?
Celeste: Where you going Sebastian? Sebastian: *opens mouth* Celeste: Five words or less. Sebastian: Out. For. A. Walk. *beat* Bitch.
Matron at Jean Grey’s: I’m keeping you in overnight, Kayleigh. You shouldn’t overexert yourself for a few hours Kayleigh: I don’t want to stay here overnight, I want to find the people mocking Ed and kill them Matron: I’m afraid that counts as “overexertion”
Edward and Gabe: *arguing when Cassie walks in* Edward: Hey Cassie, settle an argument, what do you call the thing between the dick and the arsehole? Cassie: The coffee table Edward and Gabe: *look down at the coffee table between them*
Cassie: You think I can't fight because I'm a girl? Gabe: No, I think you can't fight because you're in a prom dress. I also don't think Edward could fight in that dress Edward: But I'd look good
Kayleigh: I am being perfectly fucking civil
Edward: Aren’t you sugar and spice and everything nice? Kayleigh: Well, aren’t you rudeness and sarcasm and everything, um… Edward: No, you go on. If you find something that rhymes with sarcasm and makes sense, I’ll give you ten quid
Gabe: I can get Cassie in...we’ll just need a hardline Aaron: *starts running towards them* GABE! GABE! GABE, WAIT! I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU! WAIT! Gabe: What? What? Aaron: I just wanted to say….I’ve got a hard line Cassie can use. Bow chicka bow wow Cassie: How did you even hear that? Aaron: I’m like Superman. I know when I’m needed
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Post by Edward Church on Feb 10, 2016 20:47:09 GMT -6
Chaz: I see dead people Gwen: Say that again and I will hurt you
Edward: I’m looking for a brunette with wings. A specific one. I didn’t wake up with a craving
May: Finally, a good reason to punch a teenager in the face
Hawkeye: We’re identical. Right down to the mole on our- Aileen: HEY! Shut up!
Celeste: You know the definition of a hero, Church? Someone who gets other people killed
Edward: I’m invoking the ‘no judgement’ clause of our friendship Kayleigh: ...My god, what did you do?
Gabby: I can’t find Edward anywhere…. *sighs* This calls for drastic measures Gabby: *cups hands around mouth* AMERICA IS BETTER THAN ENGLAND Edward: WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT? Gabby: Found him
Celeste: I don’t run from monsters. They’re lucky if they run from me
James: I try to avoid being subtle when I threaten people. Last time I did, the guy looked really surprised when I threw him off that cliff, so now I try to be as obvious as possible
Andrew: So if we were to assume you were a dishonest man… Leif: Assume away
Gabe: How dumb do they think we are? Edward: Once Kayleigh left me a page of pictures rather than a shopping list
Captain Terror: Hello Edward, I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me Edward: Honestly, I didn’t think about it all that hard
Cassie: We need help Edward: I brought Gabe Cassie: We need real help Gabe: *offended noises*
Leif: Mind if I join you? Edward: On many levels and with great intensity
Edward: Edward Church *holds out hand for shake* Random Titan or X-Man: *shakes* I’ve heard your name Edward: So have a lot of people. It’s also a noun
Melody: So you’re like a narcoleptic? Gwen: I’m prone to sudden bouts of sleep? Melody: Uh...what’s the other one? The one that raises the dead?
Edward: Kayleigh and Gabby are like the family I never had. Because the family I do have is strange and often life-threatening
Gwen: I thought you died Chaz: Do I look dead to you? Gwen: I refuse to answer that ridiculous question
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25
Years Old
Female
Bisexual
107 POSTS & 3 LIKES
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Post by Aileen Barton on Feb 27, 2016 18:26:31 GMT -6
Edward: Where were you last night? May: You want to know where I really was? I was at a hula hooping class. Me and Danny attend for fitness and for fun. Edward: Oh my god May: I’ve mastered all the moves. The pizza toss, the tornado, the scorpion, the oopsie-doodle Edward: Why are you telling me this? May: Because nobody will ever believe you Edward: You bitch
Kayleigh: What do you want with Church? Cultist: He is the last living son of Wolverine. We want his blood Edward: *snarls* I don't think so! Cultist: We want his genes Edward: That's a little more vague Cultist: We want him to breed with us Edward: Actually, Kayleigh, I reckon I'll be alright here on my own Kayleigh: And what about when you're done breeding with him? Will you kill him? Cultist: We will never be done breeding with him Edward: I'll hold them off, you save yourself Kayleigh: I'm not leaving you here, Church Edward: Oh, go on
SHIELD Agent: Back off, Edward Edward: Really? All SHIELD has to say is ‘back off’? SHIELD Agent: Alright, how about this: *draws weapons* Didn’t anyone ever tell you not to bring claws to a gun fight? Cassie: Okay, you gotta admit that one’s good
Kayleigh: I would follow Church to the ends of the Earth with only some complaining
Melody: So we’re really jumping out of an airplane? May: Someone has to Melody: But that seems so dangerous! May: They say one in five people doesn’t make it to the ground Melody *gasps* Really? But where do they go?
Lucy: Sorry I’m late, I was doing things Wyatt: I wish I was things
Someone: You think you can answer questions without the usual level of sarcasm? Flo: Only if you can ask without the usual level of stupid
Edward, in some future where he has a girlfriend: Babe, we should get going now if we want to make the movie Gabe: *stands up* Edward: I know this may be heard for you to hear, but when I say “babe”, sometimes I don’t mean you
Edward: Why don’t women like me? Am I repulsive? You’d tell me if I was repulsive, right? Kayleigh: As your friend, I’d call you repulsive in a heartbeat
Counsellor: For this roleplay, May should play the role of Edward’s mother May: I don’t want to be Ed’s mother! Edward: Look at that, you already know your lines
Celeste: You’re staring Edward: Just trying to figure out where you hide weapons in that outfit Celeste: Behave and you won’t need to find out
Aileen: Am I the only person who thinks we need a drink? Let’s go out in New York T’Shan: Excellent idea! Ginnie: Oh no Aileen: I’ll go get my jacket
Mari: You know what else is great? Me.
*Gabe and Gabby in a rare argument* Gabby: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but Edward snogged your sister
Aileen: I think the whole dating thing seems pointless. Who’d go for that? Ginnie: *patting her cheek* People who actually get dates
Aileen: I will do a lot of things, but I won’t admit to Ginnie I’m cold after she told me to bring a jacket
James: Does Ginnie ever sleep? Aileen: I think she periodically makes a whirring noise and shuts down
Aileen: So uh, your brother Ada: *raises an eyebrow at Aileen* Aileen: Right, bad timing. I’ll ask again later Ada: *glares at Aileen* Aileen: Or never. I’m good with never
Melody: How did you find me? Josie: It was easy. I listened for the sound of complete and utter failure and followed that
Ginnie: I just slept for seven hours, which is twice as long as I usually sleep, so I’m a little disorientated
Aileen: We’ve got a serious Code James Might Have Turned Evil Ginnie: One of these days I’m going to teach you the meaning of ‘code’
Celeste: Leif, you got a tattoo? Leif: On, it’s fake Edward: *muttered* Like his personality
Doctor: *to James* No, don’t get up. You were shot. I removed the bullets. And a blowpipe dart. And the tip of a bayonet. And a shark’s tooth, a twisted paperclip and some buckshot. You may wish to learn how to duck.
Aaron: What am I supposed to do for Valentine’s Day? Nora: The usual. Flowers, chocolates and promises you don’t intend to keep
Arthur: SHIELD said we need to cut down on expenses. What can we live without? Leif: Sebastian?
Kayleigh: This is the part where I say something witty. *beat* *hits them over the head* Edward: Sometimes she's not too witty
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Post by Deleted on Nov 22, 2016 5:36:51 GMT -6
Restarting this shit up
Cassie: Two way petting zoo Gabe: Cassie... Cassie: You pet the animals the animals pet you back
Aaron: Seriously, you and Celeste will have the angriest kid ever Edward: Thanks Aaron Aaron: I'm not kidding. Its first word will probably be "fuck"
Skye: Cocksucker! Cocksucker! Adam: Whats wrong with your kid? Aaron:Their Hamster escaped from his cage. His name is cocksucker
Judge: Mr. Walker, you have heard the case for the prosecution. Is there anything you wish to say before I pass sentence? Aaron: Well, I'd just like to say, my lord, that I've got a family. A girlfriend and lots of friends and I hope very much you don't have to take away my freedom because... well because, my lord freedom is a state much prized within the realm of civlized society. It is a bond where with the savage man may charm the outward hatchments of his soul and soothe the trouble breast into a magnitude of quiet. It is most precious as a blessed balm the saviour of princes, the harbinger of happines, yea very stuff and pith of all we hold most dear. What frees the prisoner in his lonely cell chained within the bondage of walls, far from the owl of Thebes? What fires and stires the woodcock in his springe or wake the drowsy apricot betide? What goddess doth the storm-tossed mariner offer most tempestuous prayers to? Freedom! Freedom. Freedom... Judge: It's only a bloody parking offence
Isaac: Woman with big breasts but small asses remind me of improper fractions Becca: -glares- Isaac: What?
Aaron: Making a break for it? I can make a distraction for you. Lydia: Why would you help us? Aaron: I'm an agent of chaos
Kay: Didn't you say that texting was the lowest form of communication on the pillar of chat? Becca: The totem of chat. No, the lowest, that would be Facebook, following by gchat, then texting, then email, then phone. Face to face is of course ideal but it's not of this this time
Mallory: You don't have a plan Aaron: I think thats a good thing for me
Cassie: You know who ends up living their dreams? Sad messes like Gabe
Melody: You look like a junkie Danny: I am a junkie
Adam: [while dancing together] Is that a bra you're wearing or are you expecting an assassination attempt? Roxy: Are those Clorets in your pocket or are you just glad to see me? Adam: Okay. We're even. Three years of this, I don't think I have many lines left. Frankly, Roxanne, I'm frightened. Roxy. Oh, don't go human on me now, Adam.
Aaron: I kinda superglued myself to, uh, myself
Friend of Cassie: Are you a guest? Guests belong in the auditorium, you can't be here! Aaron: Do you know where I could find Cassandra Altman? Friend of Cassie: Guests bring food. Food attracts animals. This one time, a bear came, and then the bear had to be destroyed, which means they shot it in the head with a rifle, and killed it, and it died. Aaron: Yeah, you must know Cassie.
Gabe: "A witty saying proves nothing," -Voltaire. Aaron: "Suck my dick!" -Ron Jeremy.
Cassie: How did a little perv like you turn into such a great guy? Aaron: How did a little nympho like you turn into such a great girl? Cassie: I'm still a nympho. Aaron: Well, I'm still a perv.
Adam: Fuck yeah, Mr. Walker! Axel: [drunk] The name's Axel, motherfucker!
Ed: [talking about his divorce] At least I got to keep little Furlong. Kay: You named your kid after Eddie Furlong? Ed: Yes I did. You know why? Because Terminator 2 is still the greatest film ever made. Kay: Dude, you need to get banged bad.
Walt: Can you estimate the value of everything that was taken? Aaron: Emotionally? $700 million.
Ginnie: I've examined his proposal; there's no proof that Smilex is a serious problem. Thomas: So we're just supposed to wait until it turns into an epidemic? You're like the League of Nations in '36: just hoping the Abyssinia Crisis resolves itself. Ginnie: That's the lesson you draw from the fall of Addis Ababa? Wayne, you sound so naïve. Thomas: And you sound just like Victor Emmanuel III. Aileen: I have no idea who's winning. Thomas: I am.
Aileen: I just watch two guys stealing TVs run into one another. Sadly, both televisions were lost... On the bright side, they'll each have a friend in jail.
S'Fada: What should we do first? Keg party? Aileen: Those never end well for me. S'Fada: Pillow fight? Aileen: S'Fada, what college movies have you been watching? S'Fada: Um, all of them.
Witch: Per guidelines set in Alchan’s Book of the Damned, Third Edition, Twice Removed— it shall be a standard duel. As such, what spells would you like to start with? Celeste: Um... Accio fist? [punches her]
-Walt taking a selfie in the past- Lydia: Walt Walter: What? Lydia: Not a sightseeing tour. Walter: Speak for yourself. We want our grandkids to know we did cool stuff.
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