Sometimes quiet is violent I find it hard to hide it

How long had it been since she was last here? Months? A year? Somewhere in between. She wasn't entirely sure anymore. What she did know was that so much had happened since she was last here. Some jack-offs from another universe had come and messed her whole team up. Holidays had passed. Her own birthday had gone by and she hadn't even realized it. And that was just the tip of the iceberg of what had gone passed. She didn't know what it was that had made her think of it. Hell, it wasn't until her feet were already taking her there that she'd even realized where she was headed. 

It had started off as a walk, just needing to clear her head of, well, everything. And before she knew it, she was moving towards the Battleground, passing statue after statue until she finally came to an unconscious stop in front of her brother's. Howard Stark. Iron Man. She usually brought flowers or something, show respect, but she had nothing. Though it didn't seem she really needed much of anything. There were fresh flowers already outside of the statue. Ned, probably. Or her parents. 

She was quiet a moment as she stared at the statue, the usual habit of fighting back tears barely a problem this time. She felt no need to fight them as they brimmed her eyes, though it didn't quite effect her voice as much as usual. "Hey Howie," she said, giving a small wave before deciding to kneel down in front of it. She knew she'd be here for a while.

There was another moment of silence on her end as she rubbed her eyes. There was so much to tell him, though the fact that she even thought this was actually dong anything anymore was incredibly insane, even in her own head. That never seemed to stop her, though. "Where do I even begin... I, ummm... I had to do something I never thought I'd have to do. I... I killed someone with some other universe version of myself. They hurt my friends, they were going to hurt more, I couldn't let them. But I can't get it out of my head. I haven't been able to for months. I always thought seeing you die was going to be the most traumatic thing I witness. It wasn't. I almost saw someone else die, too. Someone I really care for." Her hands curled into tight balls as she looked down to the ground. She couldn't really remember talking to anyone about this. And thought she'd hoped she'd be over it by now, she supposed you never really get over it though. "We kicked their asses, though. They're not an issue any longer. They tore my team apart, however. We were finally getting the hang of it all and now we're back to square one."

She looked back up to the statue again, her hands staying as little fists pressed against her lap. "I'm trying to fix them, though. I really am. It's just hard when everyone is so... broken. I made amends with James, though. That was a start. Have I told you about him yet? I don't think so. He's my... second in command and my, well i'm not sure what he is yet but we're more than friends. You know I've never been great at this. I'm getting better with people, though, so there's that. I think you'd like him. He's the one that got hurt real bad. Left for dead. Hand cut off. I still can't get that out of my head either. It's just there. When I sleep, it always creeps in some how, some way. I don't know how to get it to stop, so I try not to sleep but that's not cutting it anymore."

Ginnie blinked some of the tears away, rubbing at her eyes again. "What am I doing? Why am I even here? I doubt you're even missing. How could you be? You've been gone for going on nine years now." She wanted to keep going, but her voice had cracked, the tears were effecting it more and more as she spoke now. So she went silent, just staring, trying to find the inner strength again to keep going, to keep talking. But maybe she should just let herself cry, let it out so it wouldn't effect her later on down the road.

736	@open
I was at work and her muse said 'I haven't visited Howie lately, i need to do this as a post' and here we are

Somebody stole my car radio and now I just sit in silence

✿

COUNT:xxx TAG: names OUTFIT: link NOTES: blah blah	Soft pads made no noise as they were set down, each step carefully picked to be free of anything that could cut her feet. Rohira was exploring the famous Battlefield while her friend, S’Fada was busy communing with the former Wakandan Queen. Her eyes were closed as she sat at the base of her mother’s statue. Her breathing was slow and steady. All her senses were focused inward, blocking out distractions around her. Everything was focused on the memories of her mother. For some people, they needed to hear their own voices speak to a gravesite, or memorial. Ada was a private person, and had always spoken to the dead silently, preferring to meditate while communing with them, rather than speaking out loud. Rohira paused as her sensitive ears heard a sound breaching the unnatural stillness of the place. The black jaguar paused, listening. A woman was talking to someone, someone who wasn’t answering back. The black, large cat followed the sound of the voice, pausing quite a distance away from Ginnie, just watching her. Ada didn’t know what to do. Her brother had been killed, or so she thought, because he showed up two days after. Ever since his double had stolen him, and Ada had come to New York City to find out what had happened to her brother, Ada had come to realization that she needed to be more involved with the rest of the world, and the Avengers. The problem now was, what was her place with her brother back. She didn’t want to just go back to Wakanda, hidden away in the jungle, cut off from the world. There was a gentle tugging in her mind, and Ada let her sense of hearing explore until she linked in with Rohira. She knew that voice she was hearing; it was Ginnie, one of the leaders of the Avengers. She was talking to, Howie, another of the gone. Ada got up, using her tether to Rohira to help guide her to Ginnie. ”I see I am not the only who seeks the solitude and wisdom only the dead can give,” she said, her voice soft. Rohira came up, standing next to her friend.
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Here's to being human and taking it for granted

Virginia's own words were still echoing in her head. He'd been dead for nine years. Nine whole years... It honestly didn't feel that long, though. There were days where it felt like it was only yesterday that he had been taken from her, from the world as a whole. And yet it was nine years, just one shy of a decade. How had she even gone this long without him to begin with? He'd always been her rock growing up, her biggest hero. She should have been looking up to her mother or father, but no, it had always been her eldest brother. So many times, she'd begged Rayne to take her back just so that she could save him, but she wasn't allowed to change that. It didn't matter what she did or who she talked to, Rayne, Ollie. Neither of them would allow her to change that.

She rubbed her eyes again, shutting them tight as she tried to now openly sob. "Umm... Where was I? It was... sleep, right? Yeah, I think so. It's... it's getting worse. I rarely ever sleep anymore. There are days that I know I should but I just can't. Because all I see is that face, those eyes. I killed my best friend... I... I mean, she wasn't... she wasn't the real Aileen, but it felt like it. James is, umm... he's helping, though. With the sleep issue. But I'm sure you don't want to hear about that." Wiping her eyes, she opened them again, her hands squeezing into fists as she pushed them into her lap. "Mom and dad don't really know all the details, I never told them everything. I imagine that I'd be forced to take off from work if I did. And maybe I should but I... I just can't, you know? I feel like if I do, everything will fall apart. And you know I can't let that happen..."

As much as she knew this was futile, she wanted to keep going. However, there was someone else there. True, people came here often, and she was used to that. But she would never get used to someone coming to talk to her while she was trying to speak with the dead. Even if the dead couldn't hear her back. She turned her eyes to her lap, not looking towards Ada, not because she didn't respect her but because she didn't want her teammate looking at her when she was in such a state. "Yeah, I umm... I don't know why I do it, S'fada. He's dead, he can't hear me, I understand that. He can't speak back or offer guidance, I understand that as well. And yet I can't help but come here, I can't help but talk to him. It's foolish but it helps." She pauses a moment, her fingers curling a bit tighter as the gripped at her shirt. "I wasn't too loud, was I?"

xxx	@blackpanther
i'm sorry for the wait here, love

The highs and lows of living, to getting second chances

✿

COUNT:xxx TAG: names OUTFIT: link NOTES: blah blah	Ada looked at Ginnie. She completely understood were the other woman was coming from. It was often that Ada visited the graves and markers of those who had come before her in Wakanda. Sif offered Ginnie a calm, soothing smile. She did need the other woman to explain herself. She understood. She walked closer to Ginnie, a smile forming over her face. ”Of course he can hear you,” she said gently. ”It is just hard for him to answer. So we just have to listen better.” Being raised as the Black Panther, a champion for the panther goddess, it gave Ada an interesting perspective on death. To her, death wasn’t as final as some believed. It was simply the next step in a cycle. ”I think, on some level, all of us humans understand this, even if it makes no sense.” She motioned to the ground next to Ginnie, non-verbally asking if she could sit next to her. She didn’t care what Ginnie looked like right now, the entire world had seen her shatter on television. She pressed those memories away. No one needed to see that again. At the same time that she didn’t care what Ginnie looked like, or what state she was in, she also understood that the girl might, and kept a respectful distance, unless invited closer.
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