Alex: do you ever just see something that changes your life and you're just huh.
Isaac: I saw you.
Alex: honestly that's so loving and sweet and it really makes this awkward because I was gonna show you a picture of a drawing of Ryan Reynolds as a turkey.

Cassie: Did you tell anybody we’re dating?
Aaron: Yes, Greenie, I have no self-control and I told everyone I know that we're dating.
Cassie: No need to be sarcastic.
Aaron: No, seriously, I have no self-control and I told everyone I know that we're dating.

Ed: There was something that prevented me from having friends when I was a little boy.
Kay: It must have been your personality.

Marty: James is going to kill us when he finds out!
Lydia: You mean if he finds out.
Marty: If...If is good.

Aaron: Quick! To the panic room!
Mal: But Aaron, we don't have a panic room.
Aaron: Any room can be a panic room if you panic hard enough

Mari: I know you think my judgement's clouded because I like Adam a little bit.
Red: You doodled your wedding invitation.
Mari: No, that's our joint tombstone.
Red: My mistake.

Celeste: Well, the Wolf and I have that kind of easy chemistry where we finish each other's-
Ed: Sentences.
Celeste: Please, do not interrupt me.

Cassie: It’s dark, I’m scared
Aaron: Don’t worry babe, I got this *stomps foot, sketchers light up*

Zoey: *walking around still disappointed six hours after leaving the aquarium*
Jor: What did you think a Tigershark was, Zoey?

Mal: What's a word that's a mix between angry and sad?
Owen: Malcontented, disgruntled, miserable, desolated...
Aaron: Smad.

Dinah: I’ll see you in hell! 

Owen: Aw, Dinah, are you asking me on a date?

Ginnie: *arriving to a team meeting* Sorry I'm late, I was doing stuff.
James: *entering behind him smirking* I'm stuff.

Becca: LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO MY PEONIES!
Red: They're Marigolds.
Becca: I may not know my flowers... but I know a BITCH WHEN I SEE ONE!

Captain Cold: In your opinion, what is the height of stupidity?
Nora: Aaron!? How tall are you?

Ed: Punch me in the face.
Kay: Punch you?
Ed: Yes, punch me in the face. Didn't you hear me?
Kay: I always hear "punch me in the face" when you speak but it's usually subtext.

Owen: Run fast, run hard, don't die.
Aaron: I can promise you two of those things.

Aileen: Here, Ginnie. Nice hot cup of coffee.
Ginnie: Oh, it's cold.
Aileen: Nice cup of coffee.
Ginnie: It's horrible.
Aileen: Cup of coffee.
Ginnie: I'm not even sure it IS coffee.
Aileen: Cup.

Becca [getting into an elevator]: Hi, you going down?
Alex: Well, not without dinner and a romantic movie.

Alex: The thing is...I have something big to tell you.
Becca: You know you can say anything to me. We’ve known each other for years, and there is absolutely nothing that could dent our impenetrable bond.
Alex: I'm dating Isaac.
Becca: You're dead to me.

Lydia: Jail is no fun, I'll tell you that much.
Gabby: Oh, you've been?
Lydia: Once. In Monopoly.

-to Aaron-
Owen: Tell him about the birds and the bees.
Mal: They're disappearing at an alarming rate.

Red: Jesus Christ! Is that a fucking gremlin?
Becca: No?? I’m a student!
Red: Whatever. Just no one feed that fucking thing after midnight.

-Aileen putting her hands over Flo's eyes-
Aileen: Guess who
Flo: It's either Aileen or the cold, clammy hands of death
Aileen: It's Aileen!
Flo: dammit

-Arch you're falling behind-

Mari: here is my wall of inspirational women
Red: is that a picture of you?
Mari: i am big enough of a person to admit I’m often inspired by myself

Red: You have issues
Mari: No I don't
Red: You started choking me in your sleep calling me 'Roxanne'
Mari: So I have 'minor' issues

Mari: We can be the new brotherhood!
Red: We're female
Mari: Sisterhood
Red: There is only two of us
Mari: Duohood
Red: That's not a word
Mari: Stop ruining my fun

Ed: -on the edge of a building- I'm going to jump!
Aaron: Do a flip!

Mari: Whats your favourite part of the body?
Red: The thighs
Mari: That's an odd choice
Red: They're a good ear warmers
Mari: what do you m-OOOOoooh
Red: -innocently sips tea-

Red: I'm a neat freak
Mari: In what sense?
Red: I like the downstairs to be very neatly trimmed
Mari: I don't see how yo-OOooooh

Aaron: *Fires a tank machine gun stored in the plane they're fighting in*
Roxy: *Horrified*
Adam: What the hell, man!?
Aaron: That was totally my bad. I got carried away.
(Courtesy of The AstoundingTales)

Mari: We could have sex again. 
Red: Bite me. 
Mari: Oh, come on, I was kidding! It’s a joke! 
Red: No, I mean it. Like you did last night. -throws off her shirt- Come bite me.

Walt: Don't worry, I have a permit
Lydia: This literally just says "I do what I want" written in crayon

Becca: -whispering- I don't like you.
Red: -whispering back- I'll get over it.

Becca: About a week ago I accidentally kissed May.
Alex: Really?
Becca: Yes.
Alex: You accidentally kissed May.
Becca: Yes.
Alex: Accidentally.
Becca: Yes.
Alex: I don’t understand, did you trip over something?

Becca: Alright everyone, I bet you're all wondering why I've gathered you here today. I have an announcement to make. I'm gay.
Literally everyone: We know.

Red: Mari’s at that very special age when a girl has only one thing on her mind.
Ed: Girls?
Mari: Homicide.

Red: You know, Mari, Out of all the friends I've ever had... you're the first.

Dinah: A water balloon fight!
Producer: Excuse me?
Dinah: It's how we usually settle issues in the group. Well, that and freestyle rap battles.

Mari: I was wondering if you'd like to be my date to a friend's wedding on Saturday.
Red: Are you asking me out next to a dead person?
Mari: Yes, but I thought it would be okay since it doesn't really smell.

Aaron: If I take off my leg, and swing it at your head, am I kicking you or hitting you?
Mal: You’ll most likely mentally scar me more than anything.

Red: I've never actually been in a snowball fight.
Mari: Really?
Red: I don't even know the rules. Is there like a point system, or is it to the death?

Becca: Do you ever look in the mirror and feel nothing but self-loathing?
Mari: Of course not.
Becca: -in a mocking voice- Of course you wouldn't.

Mari: Hey, I have a huge dilemma that I need your opinion on.
Red: What?
Mari: Am I more beautiful today than I was yesterday?

Mal: You know those moments when I tell you something isn't a good idea-
Aaron: -and then I ignore you, yeah

Ginnie: do you know his last name, yet?
Aileen: Ginnie, i’m gonna tell you his last name tomorrow, because he’s gonna be screaming it tonight
Ginnie: he’s going to be screaming his own last name?

Dinah: -To Mal and Aaron- Okay, I don't know when I became the mother to two lazy teenagers, but it stops today. You guys are cleaning the kitchen top to bottom.
Aaron: Hey, I don't even live here.
Dinah: Yes or no, do you have clothes in my laundry right now?
Aaron: I do. And some of it's wool, so dry flat if possible.

Becca: God, that was scary!
May: What?
Becca: I walked in on Alex and Isaac... doing the thing.
May: Having sex?
Becca: No, they were talking about their feelings!

Mari: -excited- I have an idea!
Red: Mari, your last idea was murder.

Mari: There are over 600,000 words in the Japanese language, but I could never string any of them together to explain how much I want to hit you with a chair.

Mari: Did you just refer to the knife as a "people-opener"?
Red: Should I not have?

Jor: 4 out of 5 dentist agree
Lydia: On what?
Jor: i'm just glad they're getting along

Lydia: Why me?
Marty: Because people like you. You're quiet. You say "excuse me." You look like little birds help you get dressed in the morning.

Len Jr.: Stop bickering you two, and help me with this crossword. I need a 7 letter word for disappointment.
Nora: Mallory.
Mallory:
Nora: ...it fits

Laurel: How much do you have to drink to not feel anything?
Dinah: If you’re still asking, you’re not even close.

Gabby: What are you doing?
Sebastian: I'm taking out the avocado.
Gabby: Since when don't you like avocado?
Sebastian: Since I said "Gross, what's that?" and you said "Avocado.

James: i'm not injured. i'm was lightly stabbed.
Ginnie: YOU WERE STABBED?
James: lightly stabbed. i didn't want to frighten you.

Walt: We went to jail!
Mallory: Nah, we went to holding. There's a BIG difference

Dinah: Owen, where're you going?
Owen: Well, that depends, Dinah. When I die, probably hell. But right now I'm going to the bathroom.

Lydia: What does BDSM mean?
Alex: BIBLE DISCUSSION AND STUDY MEETING.

Ed: This is the worst day ever.
Alex: Is it because you lost against Mari?
Ed: No, it's because it's a little humid- YES IT'S BECAUSE I LOST AGAINST MARI

Aileen: You threw your gauntlet at him!
T’Shan: It’s the traditional way of issuing a challenge
Aileen: You threw it in his face!
T’Shan: I missed the floor

James: I don’t think you want to make T’Shan truly angry. There are so many breakable things around. Chairs, doors, windows, houses. The continent of Antarctica. That sort of thing.

Ada: So then we have T’Shan, James and Olly as backup. Does that sound good?
Ginnie: It sounds like a natural disaster looking for somewhere to hit

Ginnie: Don’t think you’re getting through here, we got it
Owen: You think you’re gonna stop me?
Ginnie: Let me make this clear: I’ve got a dozen superheroes behind me, and not one of them has ever dated you. Back off

*May is teaching Becca wrestling and has her pinned*
May: Just so you know, it’s perfectly normal to get a little turned on doing this
Becca: ...I’m not turned on
May: I wasn’t talking about you

Edward: *to Mari* What are you gonna do, stab me?
*an hour later*
Edward: I can't believe she stabbed me

May: What are Lupines weak to?
Edward: Well, going off of you: adamantium, fire, and the full spectrum of human emotion

Edward: You’re not half as clever as you think you are
Leif: Still makes me cleverer than you

Clown: I’m still not sure how this plan works…
Melody: I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain it

Mari/Becca/Lilith: I’m so depressed, I’ve worn the same outfit twice this week

Celeste: Y’know, Lilith, if I had a daughter, I think she might turn out like you
Lilith: Awww, Ce-
Celeste: And that’s why I’ll never reproduce

Isaac: I love you, Alex
Alex: Awww, thanks
Isaac: ...Aren’t you going to say it back?
Alex: It back

Adam: Aaron is a good man *pause* If you ignore everything he does on purpose and focus on everything he does by accident

Aileen: I’ve got everything under control
Ginnie: Is that why everything’s on fire?

*Edward and Becca are fighting, Becca explodes*
Edward: *after using his healing factor to heal the explosion* I’ve snogged girls hotter than you
Becca: Really? That all you got? A cheap trick and a snarky quip?
Edward: Love, that could be the name of my autobiography

James: You want me to flex and pop all the buttons off this shirt?
Ginnie: Yes. *pause* You can do that?
James: The real challenge is making the buttons stay on

*Elisabeth laying at the bottom of the stairs with a broken leg*
Elisabeth: Please, Becca….call me an ambulance
Becca: *while texting* I don’t have a phone

Mari: What would the world be without a little murder?
Edward: ….A better place?
Mari: What a boring person you are

Aaron: Technically we’re not even sure it works. But come on, I invented it, we know it works

Adam: I got mad ninja skills
Edward: Really? You know karate?
Adam: And two other Japanese words

Aileen: Superheroes get death threats all the time, it’s nothing important
Adam: Right, because why would a death threat be important? Oh yeah, because IT THREATENS DEATH

*After Mari’s revealed her evil side and joined the Brotherhood*
Edward: I think she still misses me sometimes
May: Yeah?
Edward: But sadly I think her aim is getting better

Edward: In a fair fight I’d kill you
Aaron: That’s not much of a reason to fight fair

Edward: You’re the first British vampire slayer I’ve met
Celeste: Shame. All the others will be bitter disappointments, then

Edward: Isaac, really? Isaac?
Alex: Hey, we all have our tastes. And yours seem to be called Slutty the Vampire Slayer

Becca: So you’re saying Church had a good idea?
May: It was bound to happen eventually
Edward: HEY!

Someone stop me

Ed: Sure, Blame the minority!
Alex: I'm Mexican Korean, Bi, a mutant and a woman

Mari: are you a cuddler?
Red: Excuse me? I AM MACHINE OF DEATH AND DESTRUC- yeah I'm a cuddler.

Ed: -to Mari- God say's 'hate the sin, not the sinner' but damn! I fucking hate you!

Ginnie: -to Aileen or James- I love you from the bottom of my heart, but I don't trust your cooking. Stay out of my kitchen.

Alex: -to Becca- I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation

Becca: Why are you doing this?
Red: Because I'm bored, it's funny, and I hate you. There you are, that's the holy trinity of 'why'

Aaron: I don't know Mal. Going to the golf course at night? We'd have to break in and- -starts laughing- Nah, just kidding. Let's break in!

-planning the new Brotherhood base-
Mari: In Scooby Doo, secret tunnels are always behind shelves and shit.
Red: Can we not base our decisions on what does and doesn't happen in episodes of Scooby Doo?

Mallory: Aaron, you think every round fruit is an apple.
Aaron: No, I don't!
Mallory: -holding up cherries- What are these?
Aaron: Tiny Apples.
Mallory: -pointing at a pumpkin- and that?
Aaron: Halloween apples.

Adam: 'C' sounds like 'sssss' when it begins words like 'circle'
Aaron: Circle doesn't start with an 'S'? What the fuck?

Alex: You know, I'm really into BDSM
Isaac: -choking on water- You- you're- what!?
Alex: Yeah. Big Dogs Surrounding Me.

Dinah: What do you call sabotage and vandalism?
Owen: A hobby.
Dinah:
Owen: That I do not engage in

Becca: What's the easiest way to steal a man's wallet?
Mari: Knife to the throat?
Red: Gun to the back?
Mari: Poison in his cup?
Becca: You two are horrible

Len Jr.: You're not even listening to me.
Nora: No, I heard you, you said a bunch of words.

Becca: My skills have doubled since the last time we met, Red
Red: two times zero is still zero

Lilith: You can trust me
Celeste: I don't even trust the way you just now said I could trust you

Adam: I'm eating at a Japanese steak house, and there was a calamari tentacle in my soup. So naturally. My dumb ass says out loud "I didn't order extra hentai." Anyway I can never go back there

Delivery man: Delivery for... T'Shan, prince of Wakanda and Asgard, god of strength, slayer of monsters and all that is evil
T'Shan: -stroking Skugga- Oh, cool, my pillow pet! Where do I sign?

Becca: Alex, what are you doing?
Alex: Making chocolate pudding
Becca: It's 4AM, why are you making chocolate pudding?
Alex: Because I lost control of my life.
Becca: You finished your book didn't you.
Alex: Shut up or else you ain't getting any pudding

May: You use sarcasm to distance people.
Ed: and yet you're still here.

Gabby: Why don't they ever make a movie about what happens after they kiss
May: They do, it's called porn.

Owen: Don't say a word.
Aaron: Fergulous.
Owen: Aaron, I said no words
Aaron: Oh, I see how it works. Two weeks ago, we're playing scrabble, it's not a word. Now, suddenly, it is a word because it's convenient for you

Red: I wanted to apologise-
Becca: Good
Red: Let me finish. I said I wanted to and the I realised I'm not sorry.

Adam: Are we fighting?
Mari: If we were, you'd be on the floor, bleeding.
Adam: Okay, I accept that as a likely outcome

Becca: I never considered you a rival.
Red: I never considered you at all
Becca: Now that's just hurtful

Ed: How do you now the Canadian citizenship test is easy?
Gabby: It's Canada. Question one: Do you want to be Canadian? Question two: Really?

Aaron: -eating a cookie Gabby made- Hot diggity shit! That is a baller cookie.

Alex: My kink is being loved and respected, where people actually care about my feelings and what I have to say.
May: too unrealistic, settle for bondage like the rest of us

Red: Well, damn, you're so petty
Mari: You misspelled pretty

Walt: Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.
Lydia: The only thing that scares me, Walt, are your manners

Alex: -about Isaac- I don't have a crush on him. He's just someone I stare at and I like and when he's not here, it ruins my day.

Aaron: How do you spell accident?
Nora: Oh it's easy. Y. O. U.

Mari: the letter 'r' is among the most menacing of sounds That's why it's called murder and not muckduck.

Mari: you need a hobby.
Red: I have a hobby!
Mari: Murder is not a hobby.

Aaron: Do I regret doing it? Yes. Would I do it again? Probably.

Becca: Resting bitch face saves me from so many conversations I don't want to be part of

Ed: -to Mari- You devious clump of overpriced fabric and hair product!

Adam: I just had a slushy, my tongue is blue
Mari: Mine is red
Adam:... wanna make purple?

Ed: Red.... she was here. I can feel it.
Marty: Red hasn't been here
Ed: -sniffs- Smell that?
Marty:... Smell what?
Ed: The room. It smells like hatred and gunpowder

Ginnie:... Aileen, are you grabbing my ass?
Aileen: Can you blame me?

Alex: I'm ignoring you.
Becca:
Alex: I said I'm ignoring you
Becca:
Alex: Stop ignoring me ignoring you!

Zoey: What can I get for 8000 tickets?
Clerk: Uh, a BB gun or an easy bake oven
Zoey: hmm... hot food is tempting but I just can't say no to a weapon

Zora: don't talk shit about my shitty country, only people who live here can do that.

Mal: If it's a fight you want, it's a fight you'll get!
Danny: Hahaha, you two paupers are no match for my cunning genius
Aaron: Gross! you're gonna do what to us?!
Mal: Aaron, he said "cunning genius"
Aaron: Oh, still gross

Alex: This is such bullshit!
Ed: Hey! Watch your fucking language!

Zora: I'm a princess on the sheets, also a princess in the sheets, don't touch me I'm royalty

Red: I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.

Owen: So have you all given thought to your undercover name yet
Aaron: I was thinking just...Aron. With one A. Simple. Straight Forward. Aerodynamic... AERODYNAMIC!

Red: Please? For me?
Dante: don't do that
Red: What?
Dante: You thing every time you say "Please? For me?" I'll do whatever you want. Well, not this time.
Red: Please? For me?
Dante: Okay

Nora: Why did you put your wooden shoes in the toilet?
Aaron: Why do you think I did it?
Nora: I don't know, but it's getting clogg- Oh come on.

Dinah: Nice work, Aaron
Aaron: Thanks mom
-awkward silence-
Mal: Did you just call Dinah 'Mom? You said 'Thanks Mom'
Aaron: No I didn't. I said 'thanks man'
Dinah: Do you see me as a mother figure, Aaron?
Aaron: No! If anything, I see you as a bother figure because you're always bothering me.
Owen: Hey! Show your mother some respect.

Red: You have challenged me to a fight six times since we started talking.
Becca: MAKE IT SEVEN!

Lydia: Alex, can I ask you a question? You don't have to answer.
Alex: Lydia, you once caught me one night sneaking out of Jess's kitchen, naked, with a biscuit in my mouth. We have no secrets. Ask your question.

-when they were teenagers-
JJ: Why are you naked?
Dinah: I don't have any clean clothes.
JJ: Of course you do! -opens the closet- You have shirts, pants, jackets, Hi Owen, Sweaters...

-to the Titans-
James: Alright, listen up you little shits! Not you, Lydia. You're an angel and we're glad you're here.

Lydia: Be the bigger person
Alex: No. I'm 5 feet 1 inches tall and bitter. YOU be the bigger person.

-walking in on Owen being cuddled by a sleeping Aaron and Mal-
Dinah: Owen I need your... Why are they in your bed?
Owen: Don't ask.

Isaac: Have you been yelled at by Alex yet?
Becca: I'm not scared of her
Isaac: I'll take that as a no

Mal: This is either madness or brilliance
Aaron: It's amazing how often those two traits are linked.

Dinah: Hello, people who do not live here.
Mal: Hey
Aaron: Hi
Owen: Hello
Dinah: I gave you the key for emergencies
Aaron: We were out of Doritos

Marty: I will do a lot of things. But admitting I'm cold to Lydia after she told me to bring a jacket isn't one of them

Aaron: I hope you had fun, Owen!
Owen: Nah.
Aaron: Did you have fun?
Owen: No.
Aaron: Did you have fun though
Owen: No.
Aaron: But, fun, did you have it?
Owen: See, you’re asking me the same question.
Aaron: No, I don’t think we’ve addressed fun though.
Owen: Uh, yeah, we did, and my answer was that, no, I did not have any of that.
Aaron: But the question about the fun was, specifically, did you have it?
Owen: No. The answer’s no.
Aaron: Ah okay… But of the things you had…
Owen: Uh-huh?
Aaron: …was fun one of them?
Owen: I… y'know I’m really wracking my brain for a way that you could possibly be stupid enough to ask the same question over and over again, and I’m just not coming up with one. It’s- It’s still no.
Aaron: Oh man, I’m having fun… Hey! Speaking of which…
Owen: Uh-huh?
Aaron: Did you?

Pirate: You saved me, captain. I owe you my life.
Stargrave: No thanks. I've seen it and I'm not impressed.

Aaron: Do something fun then. Blow up a house or something.
Gabby: How have you survived this long?
Aaron: Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.

Aaron: I have some pretty bad depression.
Dinah: But you always sound so happy!
Aaron: If I don't laugh about it, I'll cry about it.

Adam: Nothing in life is promised except death
Ed: Edgar Allen Poe?
Adam: Kanye West

Alex: I wanted to kiss your face
Isaac: Why didn't you?
Alex: I couldn't reach

Ed: What are you 12?
Mari: Yeah. On a scale of one to ten.

Red: You need them to think you're stronger than you actually are.
Dante: That's what you do?
Red: Me? Oh, no. My power is no illusion. I can fucking demolish you.

Mari: Hello, boys. The front door was locked so I came in the back. No pun intended.

Alex: You have the maturity of a 10-year-old
Becca: And you have the chest of one.

Aaron: I often give myself little rewards. Some call it stealing. Eh.

Kammi: -to James- How would you feel if I killed your family? Oh that's right. I did.

Lydia: I’ve never smoked marijuana. I ate a brownie once at a party. It was intense. It was kind of indescribable, actually. I felt like I was floating. Turns out there wasn’t any pot in the brownie. It was just an insanely good brownie.

*Elise and Howard fighting back-to-back*
Elise: What are you doing?
Howard: Helping!
Elise: You're a mechanic, go build a computer or something
Howard: That's really rude!

Mari: You know, people often ask me if I was in love with Adam. Every time I tell them the same thing: “You’re a four, how dare you speak to me.”

May: I just ended a five year relationship
Becca: Oh my god, are you okay?
May: Oh I’m fine. It wasn’t my relationship

Adam: I’m unarmed, outnumbered, outgunned, lacking a shirt, and have four minutes to save the world. WHO DA MAN?
Edward:
Mari:
Lydia:
Gabby:
Sebastian:
Adam: ...I’m never saying that again in my life.

Apocalypse: I have to wonder what you hope to achieve. I have armies. I have factories. I have slaves. I have the most powerful mutants the world has ever seen. And what have any of you?
Jim: Howard has comfy chairs
Apocalypse: I have no need of comfy chairs
Jim: *giggles* I made him say ‘comfy chairs’

Jim: Okay, so it’s us against fifty Dark Riders, but we have the element of surprise! They’d never expect two people to attack fifty of them.
Skyler: Because we’d be killed instantly
Jim: ...Forget the surprise

Howard: You’ve got that face on again
Elise: What face?
Howard: The ‘he’s hot when he’s clever’ face
Elise: This is my normal face
Howard: Yes it is

Howard: It’s hardly rocket science *pause* It’s quantum physics

Edward: I mean, last time we were here, you did hit me with your shoe
May: Yeah, but-
Edward: And you literally had to sit down and unlace it first

Becca: Are you decent?
May: Morally? No. But I’m wearing pants

Howard: And this is my phenomena detector
Elise: ...And what does it do?
Howard: It uh…Well it, uh, it goes ‘ding’ when there’s stuff
Elise: You’re an idiot

Cop 1: Sir, the hostage has a note on him
Cop 2: What does it say?
Cop 1: “Enemies of the Joker, take this as a warning.” And then it’s signed “Melody Talent.” But then that’s crossed out and instead it says “Harley Quinn.”

Gangster: Like you’ve got any tricks that’ll save you now
Aaron: Yeah? Well SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND *pulls Adam in front of him*
Aaron: Kill him instead

May: Remember to lift with your legs, Pup.
Edward: I know how to lift. I’ve been carrying this team since it started

Aileen: Why are you always so suspicious?
James: I can answer chronologically or alphabetically

Melody: *playing table football with Izzy* Imagine how crazy it’d be if there was a life-size version of this sport with real people.
Izzy: ...As crazy as soccer?

Elise: I say we give him five minutes, see if he delivers
Ramone: Thanks, Elise.
Elise: And if not, I’ll shoot him myself
Ramone: ….Less thanks

Maximus: You must be the most immature villain I’ve ever met
Melody: Your face is immature

*Edward and Aaron playing table football*
Aaron: Your players are gonna get scored on more times than your cousin.
Edward: Woah, woah, /woah/. *pause* Which cousin?

Woman: GIVE IT TO ME! GIVE IT TO ME NOW! I AM SO FUCKING WET!
Edward: I don’t care how hard it’s raining, love, you’re not getting my umbrella

May: Any leftover chicken from last night?
Becca: I've got a leg, three breasts and a wing
May: Findings bras must be a challenge

*In an AU without Apocalypse, when Elise has gotten her first job*
Skye: Heyyyyy there
Elise: Come on Skye, not now. I’m working
Skye: *grinning* You pride yourself on excellent customer service here, right?
Elise: Yes…
Skye: Well I’m a customer. Service me

Aaron: Why are superheroes so annoying?
Adam: Jokes on you, I was annoying before I became a superhero

*In the AoA-verse, after Elise and Jim have found Melody*
Elise: Is she okay? Is she sane?
Melody: Today is Tuesday, THE DAY I THINK ABOUT KILLING MAXIMUS. Tomorrow is Wednesday, ALSO THE DAY I THINK ABOUT KILLING MAXIMUS. The next day is Thursday-
Jim: She's fine.

Adam: I’ve written three pages of this paper and I don’t have a topic yet
Gabby: ...How?
Adam: I just….keep writing, and eventually a topic will come to me
Gabby: How about ‘The Use of Rhetoric to Obscure a Lack of Content?

Adam: Which country has the most birds? Portugeese!
Edward: That's a language
Adam: Portugull
Edward: Nice recovery
Aaron: I think you mean nice re/dove/ry
Gabby: Turkey. Turkey, you idiots

Aaron: *Watching TV* apparently walruses have the second largest penis of all mammals
Owen: That's great to know
Aaron: *looking in his pants* I have the first

May: Don’t worry, I have a permit *hands over a piece of paper*
Rupert: This just says “I can do what I want”

Dante: Elizabeth smiled at me today
Edward: ...Wow. You’re practically going out.
Dante: Just….let me have this, okay? No need for the sarcasm

Elizabeth: Think your teen angst is bad? Mine has a body count

Death!Adam: Will this save Aaron?
Chari: How much do you know about biology?
Death!Adam: ...Not much.
Chari: Then this will totally save Aaron.

Red: Where are you going?
Mari: To get some ice cream or commit a felony. I’ll decide on the way

Mari: Truth or dare?
Becca: Dare
Mari: Kiss the prettiest boy in the room. Notice I charitably said ‘boy’ and not ‘person’ because, let’s face it, I’d smoke all you bitches

Becca: You read my diary?
Red: At first, I didn’t think it was a diary. I thought it was a very sad, handwritten book.

Mal: What sort of tea is this?
Aaron: I boiled some gatorade

Aaron: There are three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Aaron Walker way
Nora: Isn’t that just the wrong way?
Aaron: But faster


Aileen: If you had to give up alcohol or sex, which one would you give up?
Ginnie: *instantly* Sex
James: Please, answer faster

Aileen: James, if you had to give up alcohol or sex?
James: Alcohol. No, sex. No, alcohol. No, sex. I want both! I want girls covered in whiskey!

Aaron: Here you go, nice, hot cup of coffee
Dinah: It’s cold
Aaron: Nice cup of coffee
Dinah: It’s horrible
Aaron: Cup of coffee
Dinah: I’m not even sure this is coffee
Aaron: Cup.

Aileen: My cousin, Rachel, she likes to check in every now and then, to make sure I’m okay. And if I am, she tries to screw everything up

Howard: So uh, I uh, accidentally tried to kiss Elise.
Jim: Accidentally? I don’t get it. Did you trip or something?

Aaron: Truth or dare?
Adam: Truth
Aaron: What’s your PIN number?

Izzy: Hey Mel, I need to talk to you about something important
Melody: It was already on fire when I got here
Izzy: What?
Melody: What?

Edward: I don’t get it
Isaac: What?
Edward: How May is always able to leave her clothes everywhere when she never fucking wears any

Red: There’s no such thing as ‘life’ or ‘death’. Only people who will and will not be bothering me again

Lydia: Um, excuse me, who’s in charge around here?
Edward: Typically whoever yells the loudest

Howard: *absently* Get me the thing
Elise: What thing?
Howard: It flashes and has buttons on it
Elise: That is literally everything you own

Roxy: You guys are idiots, you know that?
Aaron: In our defence, we did actually know that



*When Melody and SHIELD are forced to work together*
Melody: Right. I’ll need a SWAT team ready to mobilise, ground maps of all New York, a pot of coffee, twelve jammie dodgers, and a fez!
Phil: … *pause* Get the girl her maps

James: ...Did you seriously set Aileen up with a dog breeder?
Ginnie: I think they'll be a perfect match
James: How?
Ginnie: Easy. Aileen likes dogs, and she also has a passion for breeding

*In the past in the AoA-verse*
Adam: I never thought you'd switch sides, Aaron, you surprise me
Aaron: Nah, you see. I'm a dishonest man. And you can always count on a dishonest man to be dishonest. Honestly. It's an honest man you need to watch out for, because you never know when he might do something stupid *shoots a dark rider through the head, then points his gun at Adam* Like that

Mari: Why is everyone not talking about me right now? This is concerning

Owen: I dunno man, Dinah has been giving me all these new rules and everything.
JJ: You gotta lay down the law. You're the KIng of the Castle!
Owen: Yeah, you're right!
---1 hour later a knock on JJ's door with Owen holding a handful of clothes----
Owen: Dinah kicked me out.
JJ: No *Slams door*
Owen: But I'm cold!
JJ: *Opens door and throws a book of matches at him* Here's some matches, light yourself on fire

May: Girlfriend? I don't want to be Becca's girlfriend
Ed: Well what do you ant then?
May: I don't know. I just want to be with her all the time. I want to hear about her day and tell her about mine. I want to hold her hand and smell her hair. But I don't want to be her stupid girlfriend.

James: Wait, how do you know T'Shan is great in bed?
Ginnie: We share a wall James. So either he's amazing in bed or Aileen just likes to agree a lot.

"Dear Diary,
My teenage angst bullshit now has a body count."
— Mari

Aaron: Yeah, but what a way to go. "Die young and leave a pretty corpse," that's what I say.
Mal: You should say something else.

Owen: We're all gonna die!
JJ to Dinah: Let's die like we were born--two minutes apart!

Ed: I'm sorry I dragged you into this. And that I never did laundry. And that I waited until you were about to do yours then secretly tossed mine into the basket to trick you into doing it.
May: You didn't trick me. I repeatedly asked you to stop.

May: Sugar?
Isaac: Yes, May?
May: Can I speak to you for a moment?
Becca: [under her breath, in a sing-song voice] Someone's in trouble.

Becca: May, have you noticed that Ed has been acting rather strange lately?
May: Yeah, going on three years now.

Owen: You are not going to win this time, JJ.
JJ: An interesting theory. Let me propose an alternative one: I am going to win this time.
Owen: Ah, but...
JJ: And this is a theory I have built up from the following postulates: one - I win every time; two - this is a time; three - I will win this time.

Seb: Hey, how would you like your coffee?
Gabby: As dark and bitter as my soul.
Seb: One glass of milk coming up.

Ed: Is it entirely without the bounds of possibility that you have an ulterior motive for this trip going ahead?
May: Ed, I hope you know me better than that. At any given moment I never have fewer than seven ulterior motives in play.

Becca: You wanted to see me?
May: Yeah. I know you're too proud to say "I told you so," so I'm just gonna --
Becca: Told you so. Not too proud.
May: Yeah, that seems right.

JJ: We look cute together.
Rayne: I look cute with everybody.

Red: May Kinney-Riley, I rebuke thee! I rebuke thee!
May: Rebuke? Is that a word?
Red: The entire Jean Grey Academy has evoked my fury. You will all pay recompense for your transgressions!
May: You got like a Word-a-Day calendar or something?

Aaron: What is Adam even doing?
Roxy: His best.

Red: Ya know Dante. If You help us defeat May I'll *whispers something in his ear*
---minutes later----
Someone: So Dante really killed May?
Mari: Yeah, ripped her arm off and beat her to death with it. Say, where's Red?
Someone: Mumbled something about having something gross to do...
(By the incredible, great leader, Stav)

Dante: Lizzy I think
Red: *Bends over to shows off cleavage*
Dante: Yeah....words...sentences....
(This one by Stav as well)

Red: I would make the perfect President, based upon my skill set, dance ability and bloodlust.

Mari: -throws her head onto Red's lap- Red, tell me I'm pretty
Red: -pats her cheek and smiles down at her- You're pretty fucking annoying that's what you are.

Adam: -to the Titan group chat- Send Noodles.
Adam: I meant nudes.
Adam: No I didn't
Adam: I'm very hungry

Red: No. I love my grudges. I tend to them like little pets.

Lilith: The friend zone. Yes, I know it well. Pretty sure I have a permanent residence there

Mari: How's the cutest girl in the world doing?
Red: I don't know. How are you?
Mari: -voice cracking- Fine

Owen: Growing up is realising that every single one of your problems is caused by you being a fucking idiot.

Dinah: Alright... if everyone is done being stupid...
Aaron: I had more, but you go ahead

Isaac: Can you answer this question without your usual level of sarcasm?
Ed: If you can ask the questions without the usual level of stupid.

Red: I wish my reign had lasted longer, but I'm happy with the choices I made and the beings I killed.

Ginnie: You can't come in
Aileen: Why not?
Ginnie: Because... James is naked
James: What!?
Ginnie: Well I couldn't tell her I was naked. She's allowed to see me naked.
James: Why does anyone have to be naked?

Red: You're first. Behave
Dante: Or what, you'll spank me?
Red:
Mari:
Dante:
Dante: Jeez tough room

Mal: Owen, listen carefully. Life is a journey.
Owen: uh-huh
Mal: That's all I've got. I don't have advice. I'm 19

Elisabeth: -holding up Lady Death Wail- And now, it's time to make mommy proud
Dante: Yes, Liz. -winks-
Elisabeth: I could not have been more clearly talking to Lady Death

Red: I'll just quickly read Adam's mind.
Adam: -mentally playing the ducktales theme song-
Red: He... He knows nothing

Dante: I'd say that if there's anything I've learned from life, it's that cats are better company than humans.

Elisabeth: My dad's an asshole. He runs a charity which puts starving Chinese orphans in good homes-
Dante: That doesn't sound too bad
Elisabeth: In Kenya

Mari: Move, I'm gay

James: Did it hurt?
Marty: Wh-what?
James: Did it hurt when you fell walking in. I saw you fall on your face. Everyone saw

Mari: Quick Red is here! Everyone look like you just busted a nut!

Aileen: Hello, good sir, I'd like your finest bottle of wine please.
Cashier: That'll be $1,600
Aileen: Great. I'd like your $8-est bottle of wine, please.

Mari: -covered in blood and several people lying down on the floor in pain- Believe it or not this is not the worst christmas party I've thrown

Red: -talking to Mari about training a new recruit- I've trained a lot of pussies in the past, but this is the first who thinks they're male

Aaron: If I die, my funeral's going to be the biggest fucking party and you're all invited.
Mal: If?
Adam: Great, the only party I've ever been invited to and he might not even die

-sparring-
Mari: I hope you're ready to eat my asshole, Red
Red: I'll have you know I'm vegetarian

-taking over training Mal and Aaron for a day-
Dinah: Fighting's all about that feeling deep in your gut. What does your gut tell you?
Aaron: That I'm hungry

-In the days of yore-
Mal: I didn't understand why people care so much for their dumb friends until I got a dumb friend myself -points at Aaron- I've only been friends with Aaron for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him, I'd kill everyone in this room and myself.

Ginnie: It's a spatial-temporal hyperlink
Aileen: A what?
Ginnie: No idea, made it up. Didn't want to say magic door.

Owen: Aaron! Get up here and give me a hand.
Aaron: -tosses up his Robotic hand to Owen-

Lydia: We need a distraction. Are any of you good at jumping up and down and making annoying noises?
Aaron: My time has come!

Mari: I don't dress to impress. I dress to depress. I wanna look so good people hate themselves.

Owen: Would you shoot your best friend in the foot for a million dollars.
Aaron: Do it. We'll split
Mal: How about I shoot you, then you shoot me. Legs heal and we'll have 2 million dollars.
Aaron: Great idea, fuck the system

Roxy: Watch in amazement as I flawlessly shift from emotionally detached to emotionally overwhelmed and unstable in a mere .72 seconds.

Lydia: If you've got any questions, just ask
Adam: If a bear and a shark had a fight, who would win?
Lydia: If you've got any relevant questions just ask.

Alex: I'm so angry, I feel like swearing!
May: Oh, Alex, you wouldn't swear at us
Alex: Go fuck yourself, May

Aaron: Owen, I typed your symptoms into the thing up here and it says you could have network connectivity problems.

Laurel: You look...
Dinah: A hundred months pregnant and pissed off at the world?
Laurel: I was going to say 'you look lovely'

Aileen: Can you fly a Blackhawk?
James: Can I fly a Blackhawk? Can the popes dick fit through donut hole?
Aileen: I don't know, Maybe.
James: Exactly

-rejecting a guy-
Mari: Look you scrawny looking fucking weirdo, you couldn't get me off even if you lived a past life as a sentient clitores

Mal: You do know that a normal person doesn't just 'walk off' twenty foot fall right?
Aaron: So all those times I just pushed Adam off a building and he was all "Ahhh!" he wasn't just being funny?
Snart: No
Adam: I thought it was funny
Aaron: See!

Coulson: Do you have the drive?
James: Jesus! Always with the data. "Hi, how are ya? How've you been? Namaste?"
Coulson: I recently attended the funeral of my best bureaucrat, who you had thrown off a roof. How have *you* been?
James: I can't complain. Actually, I'm thinking about getting a satellite radio for my car.

T'Shan: So...should I go?
Ginnie: No! You're a giant monster on our side; you can help! What is wrong with you?
Danny: Can *I* go?
Ginnie: Yes. Go away. Everyone hates you.

Adam: So where are you from? Heaven?
Lilith: Yeah, I'm a ghost. I died fifteen years ago, like that pickup line.

May (About Sebastian): I’m just saying that considering his messed up past and how he was trained, he could have turned out a lot worse.
Becca: You’re right May. Let’s go find him and give him a medal. The Not-As-Much-Of-A-Jerk-As-You-Could-Have-Been Award.

Lydia: For once, Marty, can we forget the flirty chit-chat? I need an experienced tail gunner, so jump in and help me take this giant ship down!
Marty: And that's NOT flirty chit-chat?

Adam: Hey, what are you doing tonight?
Seb: More like who am I doing.
Adam:
Seb: No one. I'm free. What's up?

Chari (To Adam and Roxy): Oh! There's two of you now. Okay. Is that supposed to scare me?
Adam: A little quaking in your boots wouldn't be inappropriate.

Adam: I just came from seeing Roxy.
Aaron: Yeah? How'd it go?
Adam:I showed her who's boss.
Aaron: Who'd it turn out to be?
Adam: It's still unclear.

Sharon Carter: Coulson is bringing you up on charges. You're facing a six-month suspension, and you're on archive duty until the hearing. Now get out of my office.
Olly: Fine. Here are my guns.
Carter: I don't need those, you're not suspended yet. You're on archive duty.
Olly: You never let me do anything cool!

James: T'Shan, what's up?
T'Shan: *Looks up* I think I see.....a bird?

Walt: I've never shot anyone before.
James: I was there, son. I'm fairly certain you haven't shot anyone yet.

Aileen: If the Horsemen discover us, they'll have us killed.
Ginnie: If the Dark Riders discover us, we'll be turned over to Apocalypse.
Aileen: The Horsemen it is.

Becca: How many lives have you taken to erase those scars?
Sebastian: How many slices of bread have you eaten in your life?

Olly: Are you suggesting I occasionally stray from the rule book?
Rupert: I am suggesting that you may not own a copy of the rule book, and if you do possess one, you certainly have never opened it.

Chari: You only delay your death.
Aileen: Delaying death is one of my favorite hobbies!

Josie: You really don't listen, do you?
Melody: No, I try not to. I find it distracting.

Adam: Why can't you trust anyone?
Roxy: Because you trust everyone!

Seb: Okay, guys, I gotta say something. I think my feelings for Lydia may be resurfacing.
Gabby: Oh, please, they were buried in a shallow grave.

Seb: After what I’ve seen, after what I’ve done, I don’t know that I deserve to be happy.
Gabby: Of course you do!
Seb: Huh. I never looked at it that way…wow! That changes everything.

May: Well, Pup, I have to say I'm really disappointed.
Ed: Well, you didn't HAVE to say it. You could've just thought it.

Becca: Who's that?
Marty: Sebastian Blood X.
Becca: He's got a very punchable face.
Marty: Yeah, I noticed that.

Aileen: I have an idea, Ginnie, but I'm gonna need your permission.
Ginnie: Why would you need my permission?
Aileen: Because if I mess it up, I don't want it to be just my fault.

*During an argument*
Ginnie: Look, Aileen, Dinah, if I was more open-minded about some of the choices you two make, my brains would fall out.
Dinah: So you admit it! You can't handle Owen being my boyfriend
Aileen: No no, this all started before then. This all started when- wait, Owen's your boyfriend?
James: *from another room* What the fuck!?

Celeste: And what do these monsters want?
Lilith: *points at her chest*
Edward: ...Boobs?
Celeste: Hearts, Church. Hearts.

Gabby: I don't think Aaron's a good villain
Aaron: Why?
Gabby: Well, you keep bragging about your crimes in front of a group of superheroes
Aaron: I consider you guys friends. I seriously don't consider you guys superheroes

Edward: Remember that time one of your girlfriends tried to hit me?
Tex: Well you did call her-
Edward: A motherfucker
Tex: *warning tone* Edward.
Edward: Sorry mothe-MUM!

SHIELD Agent: And this is area 51 where the aliens live
Aileen: And what's over there?
SHIELD Agent: That's area 69, where the aliens...
Aileen: What?
SHIELD Agent: Nothing
Aileen: ...What do they do there?

*after an argument*
Aaron: I thought you were bae....it turns out you were only fam
Adam: Bruh....
Aaron: *shakes his head*

*During an argument*
Edward: *reaching to pull Alex back* Let's not say anything we'll regret later
Becca: Crazy freak
Alex: Vapid whore
Edward: Like that

Becca: *to her boyfriend* We're in my daddy's car. It's just the two of us, and there is a beautiful full moon outside. It doesn't get much more romantic than this. So SHUT UP

Alex: We're not worried something bad will happen?
Gabby: If something terrible happens, history suggests it'll happen to Church

*Staking out a vampire spot*
Celeste: This isn't recent. They've nested
Edward: So...you're saying they're a couple of poofters?

*Due to a misunderstanding during a crisis, Edward and Aaron are fighting*
Aaron: Stop. Hitting. Me. I'm on your side!
Edward: *snorts* You think I'm stupid?
Aaron: Well, yeah *sent flying from a punch to the side*
Gabby: *blatantly lying* Oh sorry Aaron, didn't see that was you

Adam: I don't like watching that Warhead girl fight
Lydia: Why not?
Adam: Last time I saw her beat up a guy, she found more uses for a human dick in two minutes than I did in two years of puberty

Adam: Do you ever think about how, one day, you'll wind up an old man?
Aaron: Already have. He attacked me

Aaron: Why are we still here? Just to suffer? Every night...I can feel my leg. My arm. Even my fingers. The body I've lost, the comrades I've lost...won't stop hurting. It's like they're all still there.
Mal: For god's sake, Aaron, I said we were out of pop tarts

Dinah: You know, Aileen's hosting a luncheon. Maybe we should start doing some more classy, grown-up stuff
Owen: We did some pretty grown-up stuff this morning
Dinah: Yeah, but it wasn't classy

Adam: *finishing up a debate with Gabby* Am I right, Edward?
Edward: Almost certainly not, but in fairness I wasn't listening

Liz: I like a man in uniform
Rupert: ...Can we just fight?

*In a situation, Edward's ended up forced to protect Kaci while Mari protects Adam*
Mari: Are you the bad Lupine now? *worried expression* Am I the good Lupine now?

Becca: Why do bad things happen to me?
Isaac: *Cough*KARMA*Cough*