Post by Edward Church on Feb 20, 2016 13:03:59 GMT -6
So I doubt anyone is reading this, but if so, hi. Kinda weird, but whatever floats your boat. My name's Edward Church, and I'm only really making this because Kayleigh suggested it. So if something happens, like what happened to dad, I don't lose everything. I'm not doing a very good job at explaining, but I guess I'm the only person who really needs to understand this. Still, for possibly future me, if he/you/I is/are/am reading, here's the run-down:
You're a mutant. Actually you're a kid of Wolverine. The whole claws and unkillable guy. Which means, guess what, you're also claws and near-unkillability. Have fun with that. Although chances are, if I'm reading this, I haven't had all that much fun. It got explained in biology, but I wasn't really paying attention, but I think basically I can heal brain damage, just not very well. Like what happened with dad. So if some fucker with an adamantium bullet firing gun hits you in the head, chances are you might not remember everything. Or anything. And that's where this shitty blog comes in handy. Gives you a little run-down of who I was and who's important to me. You. Us. I don't fucking know.
So there's you. Or me I guess. Like I said, my name's Edward Church. So don't go calling yourself Logan or something. I've got a perfectly usable name right here. I'm originally from England, which explains the accent. Came to America because I thought it'd be a bright idea to hijack a police car. It was jail or hang out with May, and well, I chose May. I'm still not sure if that was the right choice.
Oh right, I won't know who May is if I need this. Probably. May's my aunt. Well, technically she's either my niece or cousin, due to fucked-up genetics, but as she's older, definitely has more authority and isn't at all responsible, it's easier to think of her as an aunt. A cool aunt though. She's a bitch, but apart from that, she's actually not bad. I'm still not sure she actually owns an entire shirt, but I've moved past that. If you talk shit, she will break your jaw. I speak from experience. That I won't have anymore if I end up reading this. At the end of the day, she's family, and she's not half bad. She's the one with blue hair, by the way.
Seeing as its the people I know I'm more caring about with this blog, let's get on with the important people.
Your mum's called Rebecca Church, but call her Mum or you'll look like a dick. Me and her don't really get along all that well. Probably not her fault. Maybe not yours either. Just awkward circumstances. Also yeah, she has a Texan accent. Don't question the difference. And don't mention it to a psychologist, there's probably a deep explanation you don't want to hear there. Maybe me and her should give each other a break sometime.
Now for the people you aren't related to or are including in this list because you never learned to write coherently:
Kayleigh Wilson: Well, there is absolutely nothing I can say here that won't be found by people and turned against me, but I might as well try. First of all a disclaimer: No matter how much I insist that me and Kayleigh aren't banging, dating, snogging, shagging, experimenting etc, etc, nobody actually believes me. There's a perfectly good explanation for the out of breathness, torn clothes, broken beds and constant thudding from your rooms, seriously. But to put it simply, Kayleigh is Kayleigh. Yeah, that's vague, but she'll probably find an excuse to hit me if I say anything else, so what are you gonna do? Basically, despite everything, I'm really glad I met her. She's awesome.
Celeste Belmont: Now I'm really banking on this entry not being found, as there is no way she'd be happy with this one. But Celeste is....well she's a character. She's definitely the best person you've ever met who introduced herself by snapping your arm. I needed it, but still. I probably shouldn't say much here, for both my safety and for other reasons, but she gets into some pretty cool shit, and sometimes she brings you along. If she texts you, you're gonna have a pretty good time of it. Also she's British, so that's a point in her favour. You're not the only person with a British accent in all of America, don't worry. Also yes, I have seen those, and they are awesome.
Mari: Shit, another relative. Fuck it, I can't be bothered to scroll up. Mari's another relative of yours, and equally as fucked up as May's relation is. She's your cousin/niece again, but this time because your aunt and your brother banged. Yeah, it's pretty weird. And then the guy who's been murderously obsessed with your dad for a long long time raised her, and it sounds like he was a dick about it. Yeah, it's all weird. But Mari's not bad. She seems a bit reserved sometimes, but can you really blame her after everything that happened? And no, I'm not detailing, because even if I knew, I wouldn't put that shit on the internet. But yeah, she's sweet. She gets on with people, and she seems like a good person. Just might want to watch out a bit, she's not always in control.
Gabby Wilson: That's Kayleigh's sister. Did I mention they're both bird girls? Well anyway, they're both bird girls. Gets really annoying sometimes. But Gabby, she's actually legit sweet. I guess you could say she's like a kid sister I never really had. It's the kind of vibe we have. She will try and extort money from you, just a quick bit of warning. But yeah, there's some competition there, some banter, but I like her. Also: do not read her Captain America fanfiction. Seriously.
Gabe and Cassie Kaplan-Altman: I'm pretty sure that's how you spell the bloody surname, at least. These guys are twins, but you'd never think it. He's gay, nerdy, sweet, gay, quiet, gay and reserved. She's loud, excessive, in-your-face, and you bet your arse there's some heterosexuality there. You met Gabe when he came to tour your school, and you met Cassie at a bank robbery (Legal note: She definitely had nothing to do with it). That sums up the differences pretty well. You're actually pretty decent friends with them both. And I'm fairly sure I once flirted with them both at the same time. It was a weird day. But yeah, even if you don't approve of either of their tastes in men, you know you can count on them. If something does happen, I imagine they'd help.
Aaron: He's Cassie's boyfriend, and a dick. I can guarantee you will know which one he is. He's got a robotic arm for one thing, and he looks like a dick for the other.
Leif: And here's the other jerk. He's British, and it is not a point in his favour. Well, technically he a frost giant, but he's the most British snowflake you'll ever meet. I really just want to hold a lighter under his chin someday, see what happens. He's Celeste's friend, which I can guarantee will piss you off no end. Almost as much as he does. Still, at the end of the day, you probably hang out with him too much to call him an enemy. Or her. She's a girl occasionally. Deal with it, don't be an arsehole about it. If it came down to it, while you don't trust him as far as you can throw him (and that's not as far as you'd think with the whole super-strength), he might be reliable sometimes.
Adam: Don't ever tell this guy this, but you actually respect him quite a bit. He's a normal guy, but not only did he manage to make it to the Teen Titans, he's fought stuff most humans would run screaming in terror from. For a human, he also packs one hell of a punch. Not enough to knock me out, but a fair bit. He's also one of Gabby's friends, and I'm pretty sure they're gonna hook up some day. But not while he's dating your cousin. Oh yeah, he's banging Mari. That will get kind of annoying very quick.
Lilith: Somehow both Celeste and Leif know this girl who stole my beer and made out with me that one time. She's that sort of person. You get used to it. She's kind of a nice person, and not bad company, especially when you're pissed off. Just keep an eye on your drink around her.
Lydia: This one is complicated. She's probably the first person I've seen naked who wasn't actually that person. Basically Isaw saw an evil version of her naked one time and then the two of you went to go save some people. It was a very weird day. I liked the evil version of her, and the good version of her seems pretty cool as well. Not that she really knows who you are. Yeah, complicated
You're a mutant. Actually you're a kid of Wolverine. The whole claws and unkillable guy. Which means, guess what, you're also claws and near-unkillability. Have fun with that. Although chances are, if I'm reading this, I haven't had all that much fun. It got explained in biology, but I wasn't really paying attention, but I think basically I can heal brain damage, just not very well. Like what happened with dad. So if some fucker with an adamantium bullet firing gun hits you in the head, chances are you might not remember everything. Or anything. And that's where this shitty blog comes in handy. Gives you a little run-down of who I was and who's important to me. You. Us. I don't fucking know.
So there's you. Or me I guess. Like I said, my name's Edward Church. So don't go calling yourself Logan or something. I've got a perfectly usable name right here. I'm originally from England, which explains the accent. Came to America because I thought it'd be a bright idea to hijack a police car. It was jail or hang out with May, and well, I chose May. I'm still not sure if that was the right choice.
Oh right, I won't know who May is if I need this. Probably. May's my aunt. Well, technically she's either my niece or cousin, due to fucked-up genetics, but as she's older, definitely has more authority and isn't at all responsible, it's easier to think of her as an aunt. A cool aunt though. She's a bitch, but apart from that, she's actually not bad. I'm still not sure she actually owns an entire shirt, but I've moved past that. If you talk shit, she will break your jaw. I speak from experience. That I won't have anymore if I end up reading this. At the end of the day, she's family, and she's not half bad. She's the one with blue hair, by the way.
Seeing as its the people I know I'm more caring about with this blog, let's get on with the important people.
Your mum's called Rebecca Church, but call her Mum or you'll look like a dick. Me and her don't really get along all that well. Probably not her fault. Maybe not yours either. Just awkward circumstances. Also yeah, she has a Texan accent. Don't question the difference. And don't mention it to a psychologist, there's probably a deep explanation you don't want to hear there. Maybe me and her should give each other a break sometime.
Now for the people you aren't related to or are including in this list because you never learned to write coherently:
Kayleigh Wilson: Well, there is absolutely nothing I can say here that won't be found by people and turned against me, but I might as well try. First of all a disclaimer: No matter how much I insist that me and Kayleigh aren't banging, dating, snogging, shagging, experimenting etc, etc, nobody actually believes me. There's a perfectly good explanation for the out of breathness, torn clothes, broken beds and constant thudding from your rooms, seriously. But to put it simply, Kayleigh is Kayleigh. Yeah, that's vague, but she'll probably find an excuse to hit me if I say anything else, so what are you gonna do? Basically, despite everything, I'm really glad I met her. She's awesome.
Celeste Belmont: Now I'm really banking on this entry not being found, as there is no way she'd be happy with this one. But Celeste is....well she's a character. She's definitely the best person you've ever met who introduced herself by snapping your arm. I needed it, but still. I probably shouldn't say much here, for both my safety and for other reasons, but she gets into some pretty cool shit, and sometimes she brings you along. If she texts you, you're gonna have a pretty good time of it. Also she's British, so that's a point in her favour. You're not the only person with a British accent in all of America, don't worry. Also yes, I have seen those, and they are awesome.
Mari: Shit, another relative. Fuck it, I can't be bothered to scroll up. Mari's another relative of yours, and equally as fucked up as May's relation is. She's your cousin/niece again, but this time because your aunt and your brother banged. Yeah, it's pretty weird. And then the guy who's been murderously obsessed with your dad for a long long time raised her, and it sounds like he was a dick about it. Yeah, it's all weird. But Mari's not bad. She seems a bit reserved sometimes, but can you really blame her after everything that happened? And no, I'm not detailing, because even if I knew, I wouldn't put that shit on the internet. But yeah, she's sweet. She gets on with people, and she seems like a good person. Just might want to watch out a bit, she's not always in control.
Gabby Wilson: That's Kayleigh's sister. Did I mention they're both bird girls? Well anyway, they're both bird girls. Gets really annoying sometimes. But Gabby, she's actually legit sweet. I guess you could say she's like a kid sister I never really had. It's the kind of vibe we have. She will try and extort money from you, just a quick bit of warning. But yeah, there's some competition there, some banter, but I like her. Also: do not read her Captain America fanfiction. Seriously.
Gabe and Cassie Kaplan-Altman: I'm pretty sure that's how you spell the bloody surname, at least. These guys are twins, but you'd never think it. He's gay, nerdy, sweet, gay, quiet, gay and reserved. She's loud, excessive, in-your-face, and you bet your arse there's some heterosexuality there. You met Gabe when he came to tour your school, and you met Cassie at a bank robbery (Legal note: She definitely had nothing to do with it). That sums up the differences pretty well. You're actually pretty decent friends with them both. And I'm fairly sure I once flirted with them both at the same time. It was a weird day. But yeah, even if you don't approve of either of their tastes in men, you know you can count on them. If something does happen, I imagine they'd help.
Aaron: He's Cassie's boyfriend, and a dick. I can guarantee you will know which one he is. He's got a robotic arm for one thing, and he looks like a dick for the other.
Leif: And here's the other jerk. He's British, and it is not a point in his favour. Well, technically he a frost giant, but he's the most British snowflake you'll ever meet. I really just want to hold a lighter under his chin someday, see what happens. He's Celeste's friend, which I can guarantee will piss you off no end. Almost as much as he does. Still, at the end of the day, you probably hang out with him too much to call him an enemy. Or her. She's a girl occasionally. Deal with it, don't be an arsehole about it. If it came down to it, while you don't trust him as far as you can throw him (and that's not as far as you'd think with the whole super-strength), he might be reliable sometimes.
Adam: Don't ever tell this guy this, but you actually respect him quite a bit. He's a normal guy, but not only did he manage to make it to the Teen Titans, he's fought stuff most humans would run screaming in terror from. For a human, he also packs one hell of a punch. Not enough to knock me out, but a fair bit. He's also one of Gabby's friends, and I'm pretty sure they're gonna hook up some day. But not while he's dating your cousin. Oh yeah, he's banging Mari. That will get kind of annoying very quick.
Lilith: Somehow both Celeste and Leif know this girl who stole my beer and made out with me that one time. She's that sort of person. You get used to it. She's kind of a nice person, and not bad company, especially when you're pissed off. Just keep an eye on your drink around her.
Lydia: This one is complicated. She's probably the first person I've seen naked who wasn't actually that person. Basically Isaw saw an evil version of her naked one time and then the two of you went to go save some people. It was a very weird day. I liked the evil version of her, and the good version of her seems pretty cool as well. Not that she really knows who you are. Yeah, complicated